I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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