Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
