Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer