Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
