Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
