If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
There's even glitter on my cock...
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