yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
