life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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