there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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