At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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