you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
