just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
