Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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