So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
