the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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