as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
