I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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