Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The power of my boobs compel you
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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