youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
