dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
