I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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