he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
