Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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