my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
