i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
