you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
