Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
