So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
