i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
