Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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