You really coming over, don't trick.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
