I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize