You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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