moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize