So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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