We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
