i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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