Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
