If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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