the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
