I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
