Where is the hickey?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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