the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
