I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I need to sanitize my soul.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
