i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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