someone threw a dead crab at me
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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