is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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