Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
