u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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