Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
