I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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