Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.

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  (617): I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian. http://tfl.nu/jfuh
  Replies (30) Good night (3220) Bad night (532)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf

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  (540): I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf http://tfl.nu/8zma
  Replies (31) Good night (2666) Bad night (532)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.

  (1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  the hells wrong with u

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  (902): bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard. (1-902): the hells wrong with u http://tfl.nu/fwtj
  Replies (17) Good night (1876) Bad night (3835)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision

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  (248): so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision http://tfl.nu/5juy
  Replies (16) Good night (732) Bad night (3701)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  God, you're like boner-b-gone

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  (305): God, you're like boner-b-gone http://tfl.nu/0pn8
  Replies (10) Good night (1187) Bad night (5535)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses

  (1-316): View more from Kansas

  That sounds dangerous

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.

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  (316): So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses (1-316): That sounds dangerous (316): Don't worry......were wearing oven mits. http://tfl.nu/woxn
  Replies (9) Good night (4521) Bad night (911)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.

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  (706): Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon. http://tfl.nu/nu6w
  Replies (18) Good night (1301) Bad night (1698)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  I love you.

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  (214): Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants. (1-214): I love you. http://tfl.nu/sgzz
  Replies (5) Good night (2524) Bad night (543)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.

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  (319): I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks. http://tfl.nu/32c2
  Replies (5) Good night (1019) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.

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  (304): Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch. http://tfl.nu/jght
  Replies (3) Good night (936) Bad night (345)
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  (+81): View more from

  And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.

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  (+81): And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through. http://tfl.nu/ei8m
  Replies (1) Good night (621) Bad night (306)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  was I really that bad?

  (616): View more from Michigan

  you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage

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  (231): was I really that bad? (616): you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage http://tfl.nu/4ubm
  Replies (1) Good night (696) Bad night (363)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.

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  (860): Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night. http://tfl.nu/jb56
  Replies (2) Good night (771) Bad night (247)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.

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  (818): Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great. http://tfl.nu/bj70
  Replies (1) Good night (729) Bad night (263)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?

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  (315): why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing? http://tfl.nu/jphv
  Replies (3) Good night (589) Bad night (248)

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