went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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