i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.