If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
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I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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