it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
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I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
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I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.