JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
