Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!