dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
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pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
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i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.