I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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