I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
