oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Me too!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
