I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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