i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
