god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
There's even glitter on my cock...
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