Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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