Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
