Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
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you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
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Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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