it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
