are you so shy because you have an std?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
