We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
