i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
