I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
