in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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