Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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