Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
