i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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