i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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