I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
