Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you win again, gameday.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
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