redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
